The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, "Subsequential Internal Nonmorality"—or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed. Some other symptoms are the
- loss of direction
- foul vocal emissions
- amnesia of origin and purpose
- lack of peace and joy
- selfish or violent behavior
- depression or confusion in the mental component
- fearfulness
- idolatry
- rebellion.
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with
- love
- joy
- peace
- patience
- kindness
- goodness
- faithfulness
- gentleness
- self-control.
Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Spirit. Repaired units need only make him welcome and he will take up permanent residence on the premises.
If left too long and in too much disrepair, the unit will be sent to the trash site. The human being units that do not respond to this recall and repair action will risk incineration.
WARNINGS
Continuing to operate the human being unit without proper correction may void manufacturer warranties, and may expose the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list. Continued use without repair updates will likely result in the human unit being badly damaged.If left too long and in too much disrepair, the unit will be sent to the trash site. The human being units that do not respond to this recall and repair action will risk incineration.
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